Dear Eve

Nicely done. If I didn't know I Am An Emotional Creature was almost entirely anecdotal I would have thought "Dear Rihanna" was just a reprinting of an actual teenage girl's letter to the popstar. It's the domestic violence version of "Go Ask Alice," although at least Ensler isn't pretending the letter was written by anyone other than herself. Either way, Ensler does a pretty convincing job of getting into the head of an abused teen. Although some people may interpret "Dear Rihanna" as ham-fisted or preachy or, at worst, a self-serving, fantastical vehicle for the writer's own opinions, Ensler has enough experience working with battered women to sport at least a fundamental understanding of how young women might act in an abusive relationship. "It must be hard for Chris to be with you," says the narrator, reversing the blame onto the victim. It's all a mirror of the narrator's own relationship with Brad - as the narrator blames herself whenever Brad "acts up," she will blame Rihanna for Chris' actions, for 'provoking' him to hit her. To the narrator, her relationship is normal and healthy. Of course, as the reader, it's plainly obvious to see the gaps in the narrator's explanations. Though Ensler sensationalizes the piece to provoke a strong reaction from the reader, it's hard not to feel pity for the narrator, and it's especially difficult to not feel pity when one realizes there are numerous abusive relationships out there. The relationship between Brad and the narrator is likely a microcosm of all the relationships Ensler heard about firsthand over the interviews she conducted prior to writing the book.

"It's so shallow to dump someone after they mess up," the narrator continues. She uses the word 'shallow,' but I don't think it means what she thinks it means, nor does she understand the implications of the word. Isn't Brad and the narrator's relationship, one that seems to only be based on dependency, possessiveness, and violence, as shallow as it comes? Brad even told the narrator that if he was Chris he would have kept Rihanna "locked up in a room" for fear of other men looking at her. The narrator's hypocrisy is incredibly distressing, and Ensler knows this will likely tug on the audience's heart, which is where the sensational criticism comes into play. This aspect is perhaps a little abusive on the part of the writer. However, I feel like there are other far more substantial points made towards the end of the piece, all of which excuse whatever personal indulgences Ensler fulfilled through writing "Dear Rihanna."

For example, the narrator points out to Rihanna that her mother "judges him by one aspect of his personality but that's only a part of who he is." We go from shallowness in one paragraph to a whole different type of shallowness in the next. While the mother only sees Brad's violent side, the narrator only recognizes her boyfriend's positive aspects while ignoring or excusing everything else. The narrator is essentially just as shallow as her mother, who she accuses of shallowness; the narrator only sees Brad as a lover, not an abuser, which gives her a distorted and totally shallow and exaggerated image of who her boyfriend is. Their equally shallow people because neither piece together all aspects of Brad's self to see an accurate interpretation of who he is as a person. It's an interesting comment on the nature of perspective, as well the mindset of people who have been or continue to be in an abusive relationship. The point is continued, fracturedly, in an earlier statement by the narrator. "I heard Oprah say if a boy hits you once, leave 'em right then, but that's so cold, so mechanical." And totally ungirllike. Unemotional. What Oprah said would appear to be against the overarching theme of Ensler's collection. Previous selections made the distinction between Ensler's opinion of what makes a girls and what makes a women pretty clear (as well as that awkward transitional phase between girl and woman), and this statement could be an continuation of her sentiment. Is Oprah, and by extension most women, going against their 'girl' roots? I could be reading too deeply into this, but perhaps Ensler is saying it is in a girl's nature to be forgiving despite serious transgressions, because that is part of the emotional center: to forgive, but not necessarily forget. Forgetting is an entirely different matter. Having the power to forgive can be empowering, Ensler may be saying that the power of forgiveness makes the woman the dominant party in the relationship. That the woman is the one who can forgive, or walk away from the man, leaving him with nothing.

Ensler also digs into the psyche of domestic violence, with a specific focus on its repetative nature. "They (parents) are always pissed off about the same things and she makes him feel so bad about himself and then he gets ugly...sometimes he hurts her and then she gets meaner..." The narrator - and by extension Ensler - paints everything in cyclical colors. Even the narrator recognizes how cyclical her parents' violence is, although it is a shame she doesn't recognize the cycle of violence within her own 'romantic' relationship with Brad. It's easy to point out the problems in other people's relationship, I suppose, as the narrator does with both Rihanna and her parents. The narrator is too busy making excuses: "they're (boys) are all crazy sad you know...seeing how alone he (Brad) is and confused and sad." Although excessive empathy may be central to being a 'girl', to being close to one's Emotional Creature much like the power of forgiveness is, it isn't when the 'girl' is being victimized or taken advantage of for doing so. The 'girl' in all creatures should be celebrated, not punished. And ultimately, what Ensler implies is that domestic violence gives birth to more domestic violence, and until someone tries to put an end to the violence in a non-violent way, whether by leaving the abusive relationship or bringing an outside authority into the equation, the violence will continue and most likely just escalate.